He Meant, She Meant, The Definitive Male-Female Dictionary — What Men Think They're Saying, What Women Really Mean
"For dysfunctional affairs and ill-fated flings, Jenny Lyn Bader and Bill Brazell have produced HE MEANT, SHE MEANT: The Definitive Male-Female Dictionary... It differs from New Age jeremiads on the loutishness of American males. The idea here is fun, a pursuit many 1990s guides ignore or forbid. If Samuel Johnson had conversed with Nora Ephron, or Ambrose Bierce with Dorothy Parker, a similar vinegary concoction might have ensued."
—Martin Nolan, op-ed columnist, The Boston Globe
"Isn’t this the funniest book ever?"
—Patty Hazer, host, Patty Hazer Show, WCKG Radio
"Very cute and very funny!"
—Bobbie Battista, anchor, CNN Weekend
"We've pretty much accepted that men and women are from two different planets - neither of which, significantly, is Earth. Luckily, we eat the same food, and the wardrobe variances seem to have been worked out amicably. But up till now, the boys and girls on this playground have been conspicuously lacking in one essential item: a translation dictionary."
—Dallas Morning News
"It’s like a Berlitz crash course in female language."
"He Meant, She Meant" is absolutely wonderful! It’s fun but it’s for real and that’s what makes it so great."
—Judy Lombard Whitefield, host, Village Voice Show, WJZD Radio
"If Samuel Johnson and Erma Bombeck were locked in a hotel room with a laptop and a bottle of bourbon, the comic result might be HE MEANT, SHE MEANT... or one funny baby."
—Nate Penn and Lawrence LaRose, authors of The Code
He Meant, She Meant. It's like a foreign language dictionary, except instead of English/Swahili, it's male/female. Now available in Italian as Secondo Lui e Lei. A blurb on the back of the Italian edition calls it "the most extraordinary invention for sex life since the pill," which made Jenny Lyn and Bill wonder what the Italian translator had done.
He Meant, She Meant has been featured on CNN, ABC, Fox, USA Radio Network, and countless other broadcast spots. It's been written up around the country and around the world - in such far-off places as India, Germany, and Australia. The authors have appeared on such shows as "Good Day New York," "The O"Reilly Factor," and "Fox Live at Noon," "CNN Weekend," "Coffee Talk," and "Morning Daybreak. " They have read from He Meant, She Meant at Borders and Barnes & Noble, and have done signings at events like the Off-Broadway musical "I Love You, You"re Perfect, Now Change" and the live-audience radio show "West Coast Live."
Much has been made of what He Said and She Said... -Here’s what they Meant!
HE MEANT, SHE MEANT gets beyond stereotypes and to the heart of male-female difference. Unlike so many other books on gender communication it is written by both a man and a woman, together. It includes 800 words translated from the male and female perspectives, essay sections on fly-fishing, significant others, and the history of listening, and appendices where the authors publish their arguments word-for-word, for example:
The Authors Miscommunicate!
In the chapter "The Correspondence," some of their arguments have been preserved in their e-mails.
Here's an excerpt that shows what happens when a man and a woman try to write a book about male-female communication...
I got the package. Thanks. I’m incorporating the editor’s notes, and will be talking to you soon.
Did you read my note about collapsing “lonely” and “loneliness”?
I enclose a list of things for us to do, and those outlines I promised a couple of weeks ago.
I must tell you something about myself with which I am not pleased, but there it is: I am not capable of taking on new tasks until I am at least almost done with old ones.
I see the ideas you have for changing words, dropping those which seem redundant, and so on.
Yet, slow bull that I am, I cannot keep up. I need to keep doing what I am doing, the original task for which tomorrow’s deadline was set, or I will feel frustrated and rudderless. I have a need to finish the task we set last week, before I can respond reasonably to your quite reasonable ideas.
Please: can we just do what we said last week we would do, and look later at the new ideas you are sending?
As always, Bill
Hi. Please don’t fret sweetie - I don’t mean to be throwing a lot of stuff at you. I find our miscommunications so funny and genderesque, I wonder if we should excerpt them in the dreaded “methodology” section...
If you had read the whole list, you would know that the tasks aren’t that great. I am sorry my letters seem "rather extensive" - I think the sight of them unread is much more overwhelming than what is in them. I do not think I having sudden new “reasonable ideas” but working on old ones.
(What makes Me feel frustrated and rudderless is the idea that you are Not reading what I have written to you.)
- Jenny Lyn
Of course you are right these are not new ideas. I do remember talking about them. But they are new to me in the sense that anything other than dealing with editorial comments seems new to me right now.
That is probably confusing to you. I don’t intend to make you feel rudderless. I do try to read everything you send me, but since I don’t put it into practice right away things start to feel like they’re piling up, and I start picturing you ready to send more, and wondering why I’m not keeping up, and why I am not sending you e-mail of equal length. And then I start to feel guilty in addition to feeling behind. And that makes the work, pleasurable though it undoubtedly can be, seem burdensome.
Perhaps you are right that this is a gender thing. I keep thinking of Linda Goodman’s analysis of the Libra-Taurus interaction — the way the airy Libra runs mental circles around the slow-moving bull, confusing him but always charming, and nearly always right. And bulls do so like to be charmed, that they don’t even mind being confused. Except once in a while. It’s not easy for me to feel slow; usually I feel rather fast, by comparison to whichever verbal counterpart I am dealing with.
I am having a productive evening, and appreciate your letter. I suspect the trouble is less anything you are doing and more what I think you are expecting from me in reply. I suspect that is a gender problem. Also a residue of Irish Catholic guilt. I sometimes think my whole life is a residue of Irish Catholic guilt.
Anywho, take care. Bulls may plod, but they have a sticktoitiveness that comes in handy (inertia?), and I’m still plugging away —
You don’t seem slow — I feel as if I’m lagging behind too. The thing you said was premature I thought was two weeks late and felt guilty for not sending sooner.
Your bull-libra imagery is great. I feel metaphorically that you are trying to rebuild our house from the ground up, while I am trying to sand and paint it... you think we can’t sand and paint it until it is finished, and I ask why we can’t do everything at once as we go along - then the house will be painted already when it is built! Of course I am right that we should sand as we go along or we’ll have trouble doing it later, and of course you are right that we should leave some painting till the end lest everything drip on us.
p.s. I’ve sent you a list of priorities
I was so happy to receive your letter about the house. It was appropos, and showed you understand the situation perfectly.
Thanks for the priorities. By the way, don’t you want to get the book in on time?
Yes I’d love to have it in too. Let’s try not to see this as a delay but an opportunity to give in an even better draft on Monday.
Glad you liked the house.